Statement by Glenn’s: Bragging Rights Owners vs The Chinese Common Cold

 For Immediate Release

For more information contact:

 

Glenn’s

Phone: (919) 308-5323

Fax: F**k Dat Bitch

Email: tpolumbus@glenn’s.com

 

Bragging Rights Owners vs The Chinese Common Cold

 

Raleigh, North Carolina (August 29, 2020) – Fellow brothers I write this press release to you all because our precious league, Bragging Rights, is facing something it’s never faced before. That my brothers is a global pandemic called COVID-19. It is a pandemic with such a historic impact on our society that our kids, grandkids, and step kids will ask one day where were you when the outbreak happened? I know where I was brothers. Iwas in the “epicenter” of the outbreak working a mere mile away from the “no go” zone in New Rochelle, New York. I saw the national guard. I saw a robust community turn into a ghost town. I encountered a member of the synagogue which was the center of the outbreak. I saw a glimpse into the future, 5 months into the future.

 

Fast forward to that future and on August 17, 2020 the owner of Glenn’s came into direct contact with someone who tested positive for the dreadful Chinese Common Cold via the Glory Goals soccer team. This caused panic among other owners within the league due to the potential cancellation of the live Draft for our eighth year. However, it was not the first time the owner of Glenn’s has faced this Chinese Common Cold. I am here to inform the great owners of this esteemed league that the8th grade defensive player of the year would defend to the highest level yet again. Not defending a hoop this time, not even defending a body from the Chinese Common Cold. No brothers, this time the 8th grade defensive player of the year defended the most sacred event of the year. It’s not a birthday, Halloween, July 4th, or Christmas. This year the 8th grade defensive player of the year stepped out onto the court of life and defended the LIVE 2020 BRAGGING RIGHTS FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT! It is with great pride that I can inform you all that late last night at approximately 10:25 pm a coronavirus test result was administered to the owner of Glenn’s, and it was NEGATIVE. Thus, the Draft will happen at the Glenn’sresidence for 2020. The Draft will GO ON!

 

Furthermore, the Glenn’s organization is not blind to the fact that this is also the first time Bragging Rights will be without 3 members at the live Draft. Unlike the Chinese Common Cold this worries me as an owner. This is a league that I want to go the distance boys there is no doubt about that. Max just released an article “I Blinked, and Eight Years Went By” and I don’t want to open my eyes from the next blink to see another 8 years have passed without an 8-man live Draft. I am not going to sugarcoat it boys I feel like the league is in a slump this year. The summit crumbled into a 3 man show in a matter of seconds it seemed and the Draft saw two members drop out a week and a half before the Draft. The Glenn’s organization wants to let the league know that the fire is still raging on in its camp. It will never go out. We all have busy lives and we may let the fire dwindle throughout the year, but I hope and pray that the owners of this league hear me out and never let the fire die out completely. For all I ask is that one night out of the year, just one night, the boys get together and let that fire RAGE! 

 

For those who are not in attendance: 

 

To Tyler what can be said other than no one supports the troops more than this league. We salute you and we thank you for defending our freedom so that we can play fantasy football.

 

To Patrick, this league is eagerly awaiting to hear what awaits you beyond Charlotte and no matter where that is, you’ll be sure to find me at the live draft when you host. I don’t care if there is a disease that only attacks Ragin Cajuns you will find me there in a hazmat suit.

 

To Kevin, this league does not accept your weird ass “excuse”for not being in attendance. There will be no need for your virtual attendance because you will be next to Steve burying him in Boom Cup. If the Rona is what you fear, fear no more. I have seen it, I have fought it, and I have won. It is nothing to fear. You can’t let the Chinese Common Cold stop you from having a weekend with the boys. See you on Friday.

 

Next year Tyler will be back in the states and it will be the first time that we all have an opportunity to be together for the Draft. It could be a historic Draft for the boys. We have the potential to hit energy levels that may be so high it could solve the energy crisis facing the globe. I expect you all to move mountains if that is what it takes. I know Max has stated it would take the national guard to stop him from attending the 2020 Draft and I believe him 100%. I expect the same level of commitment and fervor for all of you next year. If it would take the national guard to stop Max in 2020, stare in the mirror and ask yourselves what it will take to stop you from making it a perfect 8/8 Draft for 2021. I hope the answer for you all is nothing. Keep the fire burning boys.