Glenn's Week 10 Power Rankings

Glenn’s Power Rankings

It’s presumable the last week of unemployment for Glenn’s so I decided to use my time wisely and do a little write up on Bragging Rights Power Rankings. We are seemingly at the point in the season where Ls can’t be taken, Ws are just a sense of false hope, and stress levels are at an all time high. The annual clusterf*** that is entry to the playoffs is coming. We have an 8-man league where it’s anyone’s week and we have the history to prove it so buckle up bitches.

Power Rankings Disclaimer: Typically, I just look at points for and then breakdown and that is my power rankings. That isn’t as fun and doesn’t give the full story of what is happening real time, so I decided to change it up a bit and make it juicy. This is not me predicting who makes the playoffs but who I think are the strongest teams currently. Remember it’s MY F****** OPINION! (J!) Glenn’s is not held liable for the outcome of this list. If your erection last longer than 4 hours after reading this, then good. Don’t consult a doctor just keep consuming the greatness that is this league.

Bragging Rights Power Rankings – Through the Lens of a Former Auditor

1. Rowdy Rhinos – Well, well, well, how the turntables…The waiver wire king has had his work cut out for him in the past but I’m not sure we have ever seen him in this dire of a situation before. The man started out 0-5 and seemed to be on one of the quickest exits of the playoffs this league has ever seen; however, Sloan’s mascot is a motherflippin Rhino and he is a rowdier than ever! There is no two ways about it the man is SURGING! Sloan has now ripped off a 4-game win streak and it hasn’t been luck. In a must win situation against Revenge of Cobb’s Bubble Route the man dropped 131.08 and hasn’t looked back scoring in the top 3 scores 3 out of the past 4 weeks and has been in the top 4 scoring every week since his winning streak began. J. Herbert is in the running to be waiver wire pick up of the year while the Chiefs core of Hill and Kelce looks lethal. The man has 20 players on bye this upcoming week, but he is the waiver wire king so expect to see a solid 107 points to be dropped by guys you didn’t know existed. Stay rowdy.

2. Revenge of Cobb’s Bubble Route – The Corona Bro of the league started off looking like he had the Rona with an abysmal 1-6 start, but that was just on paper. In reality Kevin’s team is looking like last year’s champ with all the points being scored almost exclusively against him while maintaining an unbelievably respectable points for. As of today, Kevin is 3rd in points for and is 3rd in breakdown. After losing to Sloan in the aforementioned 131 beatdown above, Kevin may have been counted out by many in the league, myself included, but that was a mistake to put it simply. Kevin took Sloan’s playbook and dropped 131.54 on an unsuspecting Glenn’s making Brie Olsen’s esteemed career look like softcore amateur play. Calvin Ridley still isn’t walking right after that game. Kevin followed it up with a 105 performance and is now looking like he is taking full control of his destiny with Mahomes looking unstoppable and his core WR of Adams and Metcalf looking like they won’t stop until the trophy is back in the hands of Kevin. Head on a swivel boys, Kevin and his Coronavirus are coming for us all.

3. Fully Supported Troops – I know I know he won’t stop playing Cowboys WR even though the Cowboys are horrible. None of us understand. Is he just too busy protecting our freedom and spending our tax dollars or is he just being Tyler and laughing all the way to the beer garden? Is he actually a genius? Nah that definitely can’t be it. Either way the man has, for the second year in a row, a deadly running back core. I’m being bold with this ranking but I can’t help tossing and turning at night thinking about what Tyler’s team is going to do to me when he has Cook, Chubb, and Sanders fully healthy. This much we know: Dalvin Cook is fully supporting this troop and if the pieces all fall in line Tyler is going to a force to be reckoned with. Outside of Cook and his RB core, Tyler has Watson playing at…well…Watson levels and after the Steelers game it looks like at least Cooper is going to have value week in week out so don’t count Tyler out. Past two weeks he has put up 115.54 and 121.34 and he hasn’t had a healthy Sanders or Chubb while doing it. If all else fails, the man’s mascot is himself deadlifting, only God knows how much weight, outdoors in a foreign country. You only lift weights outdoors in a foreign country if you are a real one. That alone puts him in the top 3 discussion. 

4. Glenn’s – I think this season may be my “Golden Ticket Idea” season. Great idea that quickly turns into a disaster that turns into a great achievement that ultimately ends up with the CFO leaving me, unimpressed at my dumb luck, while I am left sitting in my office wearing a top hat, back to square one. Sloan for context: The Office Season 5, Episode 19. Look no further than Jonathan Taylor. 5th round pick like an idiot, only to totally work out via a season ending injury to Mack, only to look absolutely pathetic against the damn Lions but has the easiest strength of schedule rest of season. Further evidence is that my top 4 picks in the draft are all hurt, and I don’t have a QB and yet here I am with the top breakdown score and 2nd in scoring. James Robinson out of now where has been carrying my team along with Will Fuller, the poor man’s version of Tyreek Hill. I, like Michael Scott and everyone else in the league, have no clue how I’m doing it but it’s working. Glenn’s is going to keep rolling with the punches and hopefully become the top salesman of Bragging Rights. 

5. Coach Without a Season – The defending champ is right there with the best of them but has seen his team go on a two-game losing streak with one game posting 80.14 which is something this Coach is not accustom to. Glenn’s doesn’t expect to see this trend continue but it’s worth noting. Ekler is waiting on the bench to come back and tear through teams, we all know it’s coming but when. Russel Wilson is on another level this year and it is scary. Meanwhile AJ Brown, when healthy, is a freak of nature and is ready to go up against any corner and any team to put bread on the table for this coach with or without a season, AJ don’t care. Allen Robinson has one of the easier schedules moving forward and has been on both of Travis’ championship teams. Did Robinson contribute in the championship? Nope not one bit but he was still on the team. Don’t think you have an easy match up going up against Travis because if you do you are going to get got. 

6. Ready For A Full Load – If you thought Tyler’s hot take was hot then watch out because I’m cranking up the heat to Pizza Roll levels with this one. This Load has been shooting blanks weeks 8 and 9 with 76.34 and 81.92 performances, respectively. There is no questioning this team as it sits atop the points for on the year; however, it is looking susceptible as of late. I know I am asking the fantasy gods to give Pat an additional point to his already scary lineup with each character I type but I’m not going to let the fantasy gods sway me as a journalist. The running back core of Kamara and Henry is downright filthy, I’m talking DZ wing eating contest filthy. (Sidenote: that was rigged because we weren’t in a frat, we defiantly won that first round. Patrick took several lbs. off the plate and we still lost. FAKE NEWS!) Aside from his RB core he has the fastest little QB in the west with Kyler Murray. He is making Lamar’s season last year look like a joke. His WR core has so many big names that Kevin can’t help but rosterbait to it. All the praise but none of the TDs and that may be where the problems are. The TD’s that this WR core have been receiving has fallen by the waist side the past two weeks and some owners are licking their chops at the idea of Patrick McFarland’s fall from grace after the best start the league has ever seen. This is most likely equivalent to the typical bad loss the Patriots take and everyone in the media says Brady is washed only to see them turn into a heartless machine and gut every team they face on their way to a Superbowl but for now we as owners are going to eat it up. 

7. Demi-God Among Bots – “I have the best worst team in our league’s history. Change My Mind.” Those were the exact words (more or less) from our subpar commissioner this past week. Steve continued to say that his team is the best on paper, but they aren’t performing. My response was obvious: you can’t perform if you are never on the field. Let’s not sugar coat it the man is running a hospital over in Wilmington. Some say it is a better hospital than Philly and San Francisco. Injuries have hit us all but I can’t help but notice that Demi-Gods are always hurt and are not capable of getting on the playing field. I can speak for us all when I say I’m glad I’m not a Demi-God. Cheers to the rest of the owners for also being bots. Bots are durable, thorough, and easy to fix, just insert battery or restart. Demi-Gods on the other hand, I have learned, are not durable, flaky, and need to go to the ends of the galaxy to find the Waters of Sight to get fixed (That is a Thor reference that I had to look up. Let the record show Marvel is overrated). Steve’s team certainly has promise with the likes of Aaron Jones, Josh Allen, and his host of big-name receivers. Even Kevin can’t help but tab over to take a gander at Michael Thomas, Keenan Allen, Chris Godwin, Diggs, and JuJu during his rosterbaiting. If the Demi-Gods get healthy and touch the grass, WATCH OUT! Until then keep being bots boys.

8. Fighting NRCAs – The 2* time champion finds himself in a precarious position. No one is out of the playoffs at this point in the season but it’s getting close to start crossing out names and the Fighting NRCAs are dead last in points for. With CEH as quite possibly the boldest pick in the draft and Lamar falling flat on his face the Fighting NRCAs have struggled greatly this season. Week 1 was quite the showing with a monstrous 148.50 beat down of the Rowdy Rhinos. But sadly, that is where the troubles began. Mostert got hurt and in pursuit of his replacement Max had to spend copious amounts of FAAB, dropping a 40 on McKinnon. In further pursuit of points Max didn’t have, he chased the points for and acquired Chase Claypool and Robby Anderson for 22 and 15 FAAB, respectively. He finds himself with the lowest FAAB and lowest points and it is going to be an uphill battle for Maximus. Maybe he can talk to Tyler and sang some more free wins because he is going to need it to find a spot in this year’s playoffs. With all the bashing going on he still sits at 3-6 and if there is someone who excels late and can get past lowest points for and a 3-6 record it’s Max. Whether he is fighting with the NRCAians or against them (I can’t tell based off the team name) DAMMIT this man is going to be fighting either way!  

*Relates to the 2014 Bragging Rights year in which Tyler, Money or Nothing Next Year, started 2 open slots and sat his starters to grant Max, I’m just here to pick Romo, entry into the playoffs in an effort to secure $40 in Tyler’s favor. The final score of the game was 76.88 (Max) to 74.80 (Tyler) with Tyler’s bench scoring 99.36 points (4th highest score in the league that week). Due to Tyler’s erroneous decision Max went on to win the title. If Tyler played his players and didn’t allow Max a win and entry to the playoffs Tyler would have won the $40 and the championship. See the Demi-God’s T-shirt for further details. You can find him sitting atop his thrown of foam cubes at Flip-N-Fly boasting to his subjects about his triumphant tales of 2 regular season titles that rival that of ancient Greek Epics.