CLBB Week 2 Recap

 CLBB Week 2 Recap

Washed Columnist Max Seng

Big Oof (2-0) defeats The Demi-God Strikes Back (1-1)

Final: 84.78-74.82

We open up this week's recap with a real rock fight as newly-anointed Bag Boy vacuumed up our commissioner's short-lived revenge tour against unknown assailants. 

An effortless 19.7 from McCaffrey and another 16.9 from the $40 tight end Kelce was enough to get by the guy who buys then frames photos of himself.

For all the fair market value Steve noted he took advantage of (?) at the draft, Demi-God followers have privately questioned playing Corey Davis against a stout Pats D.

Nonetheless, the year is young and despite starting 2-0, King of the Oofs made major moves this week against the advice of his financial advisor, spending $58 on three different free agents no one else bid over $10 for.

Both these players are still searching for their first championship, and aren't messing around, as evidenced by their words and their dollars.

Rowdy Rhinos (2-0) defeats My Dad's Drinking Problem (0-2)

Final: 107.20-98.66

After a shellacking of the Mojo Moments week one, the face of Sound Financial quietly followed up with another 107-point effort to send Somerville's Nathan Felder into the kiddie-pool depth shadow lands of 0-2 for the first time.

Healthy Kyler Murray appears to be fantasy's QB1 by a pretty large margin, and as long as he can continue to do his toddler-like run and sling 60-yard dimes, Sloan's going to have a major advantage every week. Zeke finding paydirt and producing this week had to be good to see as well.

Cooper Kupp's transformation into a top 3 fantasy WR was something few saw coming, but Glenn's did predict in his #CajunHotTakes* heading into the season. If it continues, it will end up being a signature pick for 1/2 of #TeamLittleSips

On the other side, we've heard Pat really wished he played Lamar over Josh Allen, what a delight that decision sounds like every Sunday morning with your cup o'joe.

So far, My Dad's Drinking Problem has been standoffish, combative and some say in denial of his need for help. Maybe that help comes from the waiver wire, maybe it comes from a trade, maybe an ice cold green tea shooter. But it's simply a fact My Dad's Drinking Problem is in a position they've never been in.

It's the elephant in the room. My Dad's Drinking Problem has a problem.

Florida Man (1-1) defeats Daddy's Home (0-2)

Final: 120.02-99.20

Halfway through Sunday's 4 pm slate rose Derrick Henry from the bones, ashes and final respects paid to RB's similar to him who fall off a cliff after massive production and demand in a 2-3 year span.

The man literally carried our favorite teacher, his students, and his team to victory in week 2. T-Rav spared no expense to get his man at the draft, and it carried him to a win. We'll see how the man proceeds from here.

Keenan Allen is exactly who he thought he was, and continues to be a stud, while the Barkley-Golladay pair is concerning, tough to argue with the raw talent. Devin Singletary looks to be having a bounce-back year, and is on a top-5 offense that may be pivoting some away from throwing 75 times a game.

As for the father of the First Pick, the outlines are there of a playoff team, but it hasn't come together as of yet. McClaurin-Henderson-Mitchell provided a convincing case this week, but couldn't get enough help from the other starters.

Shareholders are hoping with the San Francisco backfield a little less crowded, Elijah Mitchell finally gets a clean runway to the 125 yards on 15-20 carries some combination of backs are guaranteed weekly in Shanahanland.

The Mojo Moments (1-1) defeat Glenn's (1-1)

138.42-129.14

Monday night proved to have major implications as Aaron Jones and his deceased father's ashes recognized it was a moment that required additional confidence, charisma and performance.

Jones and the Packers' retribution for last week's stinker came at the expense of TB12's public flaunting of the advantages combining deer antler spray with Adderall, Tyler Lockett, Mike Williams and Najee Harris doing his best James White impression.

This isn't the first time Glenn's has been on the wrong side of a shootout, in fact in the website-generated recap, NFL.com didn't have programmed in the correct phrasing. (This is the five loss in recent years where Glenn's has lost despite a high score. )

Nonetheless, it's one week. Both teams have to be feeling good about their respective rosters. Glenn's has a well-balanced roster and the bench sprinkles in consistent contributors with upside plays. 

Mojo head ball coach Mike McCarthy is kept in the janitor shed until the Austin Powers music comes on. We've found that's the best spot for him.

GLEEEEEN’S of the Week: Aaron Jones becoming my Fat Bastard

big oof of the Week: benching Lamar Jackson (I bet Pat really wishes he hadn't!)

Dockett Add of the Week: Draft weekend paintball

Drink of the Week: Tom Brady's hair regeneration elixir

John Tyler Mullaney Power Rankings:

1. Rowdy Rhinos (Stonk Watch: liquid)

2. Big Oof (Stonk Watch: +1)

3. Florida Man (Stonk Watch: +5)

4. The Mojo Moments (Stonk Watch: +3)

5. Glenn's (Stonk Watch: -1)

6. The Demi-God Strikes Back (Stonk Watch: -4)

7. My Dad's Drinking Problem (Stonk Watch: -1)

8. Daddy's Home (Stonk Watch: -3)

*A previous version of this article stated that no one saw Cooper Kupp's success coming. That error has been corrected, awarding Glenn's for the tastiness and accuracy of his take.