Commish's Corner: Newsletter Exclusive

 

CLBB Week 4 Predictions by Sound Financial Management

CLBB would like to note that the weekly recap has been outsourced to our local Demi-God. Stay tuned for more information from the bot killing, cheek clapper himself later in the week. Furthermore, CLBB would like to state on behalf of Sound Financial Management (SFM) that SFM is not a certified gambling entity. SFM continues to focus on providing its clienteles with the soundest financial management that can be found in the industry, as well as a continued focus on taking care of parking tickets. Now that the legalese is done please enjoy CLBB’s new installment: Sound Financial Management Odds and Pick Ems!

 

Sound Financial Management Week 4 Odds and Pick Ems

 

Glenn’s vs Rowdy Rhinos

While many things in life change this is a match up that doesn’t. The two stalwarts of Bragging Rights face off yet again. The only two teams to not change their name find themselves at the top of scoring through the first three weeks and Sound Financial doesn’t expect that to change. SFM expects an absolute barn burner between the two. Glenn’s looks to unleash the 3 headed RB Kraken for the first time this year to match what Kyler, Cooper Kupp, and JT have in store this week. SFM analyst have crunched the numbers and found the difference between the two: a historic night for Tom Brady to push Glenn’s past Rhinos. Glenn’s at -5.7 to end the unbeaten run of Rowdy Rhinos.

Daddys Home vs big oof

The father vs the name’s sake. This week goes beyond fantasy folks. When John Tyler Mullaney turns to Kevin and asks about the man he was middle named after what will Kevin say? Will Daddys Home be able to describe a man who put country before self? Will he say Tyler was an owner who managed his team with passion and determination to overcome any obstacle? Or will he have to describe the man as just a big oof? Time will tell but it’s not looking good for Tyler as CMC and AJ Brown find themselves nursing injuries. Josh Jacobs is still up in the air and Monday night football isn’t going to help in that decision. On the other side Kevin finds himself with a juicy matchup for the duo of former Redskins, turned Politically Correct Football Players, against a horrid Falcons team. Chicago won’t have to figure out who to use at QB because David Montgomery is about to go for 130 yards and 2 TDs in the divisional game against the Lions. SFM Odds and Pick Em: Daddys Home gets its first win of the season -12.3.

The Demi-God Strikes Back vs The Mojo Moments

The Demi-God certainly struck back last week from its miserable week 2 performance but questions from around the league are swirling. Can they keep up the effort put forth from week 3? Tough matchups for Swift, Brown, and Robinson could hold the Demi-God back. Not to mention the narrative that Russel can’t cook in the 49ers kitchen. Steve quickly disregarded the questions and besmirched the reporters by calling them fakes and frauds. Reporters turned their attention to The Mojo Moments’ facilities. Upon arrival SKOL chants could be heard during training. The Mojo has been found amongst the Vikings and Aaron Jones. This week Fat Bastard finds himself up against The Mojo Moments’ home team in the Steelers. A stout defense that is not to be taken lightly but if there was one guy that could make out with 3 TDs against the Steelers it’s Jones. If Herbert stays away from the toughest CB in the league (referees) the Mojo will be flowing. SFM calls for The Return of the Mojo as Max takes down his rival Steve. -9.94 The Mojo Moments. 

My Dads Drinking Problem vs Florida Man

My Dads Drinking Problem looks to find its first win of the season vs Florida Man who is on a 2-game win streak. Tough matchups for Barkley and Hubbard are going to be a key factor for Drinking Problem’s success. However, a problem much greater than this owner’s dad’s drinking problem will be Derrick Henry vs the Jets. King Henry is receiving so many carries and targets per game (carrying both the Titans and Florida Man) that labor laws are being broken. Expect at least 20 and be grateful if he finishes below 30 against the J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS! Sound Financial expects a huge game from Henry but also expects another huge week for Josh Allen (I bet Pat really wishes he played him last week) as well as big support from Mixon, DJ, and D Hop. Let’s not forget this team released a full load on the league last year and when you do that it takes some down time to get back to full strength. This week SFM sees the recovery time starting with a first win for My Dads Drinking Problem. Odds MDDP -8.32.

 *Lineups subject to change

GLEEEEEN’S of the Week: Justin Tucker makes history with 66 yard game winning field goal reminding the world that “KICKERS MATTER!” and the Lions are still the same ole Lions

big oof of the Week: CMC and AJ Brown join an injured Josh Jacobs for Tyler as his team begins to pile on the injuries. Reports have been made that a call was made to Catawba Valley Insurance Agency for quotes on insuring this team. It’s getting pricey Bob.

ONLY ME of the Week: Patrick starting the wrong QB for the second straight week

Drink of the Week: Labatt Blue Light

 

John Tyler Mullaney Power Rankings:

1.      Rowdy Rhinos (Stonk Watch: liquid gold)

2.      Florida Man (Stonk Watch: +1)

3.      Glenn’s (Stonk Watch: +2)

4.      The Mojo Moments (Stonk Watch: Expected Market Value)

5.      The Demi-God Strikes Back (Stonk Watch: +1)

6.      big oof (Stonk Watch: -4)

7.      My Dads Drinking Problem (Stonk Watch: Hold)

8.      Daddys Home (Stonk Watch: Buy Low, Sell High)